I have had some incredible highs since parenthood began. Hell, even just the excitement of discovering I was pregnant. I felt myself connecting with a little human right away.
And I was pretty comfortable keeping him in my belly. When coworkers would ask if I was “ready,” I’d say, “Welllllll there’s a few more things I want to get done before he shows up.”
But, omg, it’s so much more fun HAVING him in the world.
I am watching someone grow before my eyes. I delight in the way he smiles, and the way he observes the world around him. I love being near him, and snuggling close when he falls asleep. I feel so connected to my new little family.
I’m high on parenting. And sometimes, it scares me.
On the one hand, the joy is incredibly motivating. I want to pursue dreams or goals in a way that I hadn’t before. I want my life to be one that counts, that has impact — because life is very precious. I also don’t want to feel complacent while I watch him grow. I want to give W a home and a family that inspires him. I want him to look at his parents and say, “Oh shit, they’re cool. They did some bold things. They stood for some good values. And they didn’t hold back.” So that happiness excites me.
At the same time, I want to protect the joy. I want to keep William safe and provide stability. I don’t want anything to come between this moment and this feeling. A few times, I have felt really nervous: when I felt like I was getting a cold. Or when Sean had his first business trip. It was like, whoa, this little boy depends on us SO much. I want to keep him close and protect the happiness.
So how do you do both? How do you allow the love to overflow into all parts of your life, while still providing the consistency, stability, and safety that your child needs?
Is this what they call being a parent?